A boy who cries is a sissy and that remains the verdict even when the boy is all grown up to be a man. On the other hand, a man is not really to be blamed or held responsible for household matters, because it is not his area of work. This is expected to be the purview of women, even when the wife has no time.

Gendered responses and built-in biases have been forced into our system so strongly that they become a part of our subconscious. So when a catastrophe happens, instead of our natural instincts, it is this programmed reaction that takes precedence. The results, to put it very mildly, are uncomfortable. When a man is faced with the prospect of divorce, the law, his wife, his friends and, most important, his own ego expect a certain code of conduct of him, and he tries to stick to this, for both better and worse.  

How Divorce Affects Men

A storm can cleanse the land of the dirt and grime and bring forth a whole new order, or destroy the way of life altogether. That is how a divorce may affect men. The impact may break and reshape a man for the better, or break him to the point where the weakest and worst traits in him come to the surface. At the risk of sounding extremely old-fashioned and biased, one has to say that the effect of divorce can be of two types – positive and negative. But it differs from man to man whether the same reaction may be looked upon as positive or negative. It also depends on the circumstances of the divorce.  

Positive Effects of Divorce

Here are a few examples where a divorce can affect a man positively.

·          There are several success stories made by divorce. The failure of a marriage is not just a blow to the ego of a man, but also a chance to try and rise above all the defeat and self-blame. Many men concentrate harder on their career after the divorce and do better in every possible way. There are few impediments from home and fewer matters that one has to bother about, so it is relatively easier to concentrate on the work at hand.

·          It is being noticed that middle-aged male divorcees are trying to take up workouts and well-being very seriously. It may be passed off as a passing ‘fitness freak’ phase, but it is usually deeper than that and develops into a second lease of life.  

·          Many men learn responsibility only after a blow. It is the loss of custody that makes them value their children, and makes them better fathers. At the risk of inciting the wrath of feminists, it may be stated that many divorced fathers make very good parents.

Negative Effects of Divorce

One need not go on too long with this sad list as the symptoms are all too familiar.

·          Binge drinking is the most common bad habit that men take to. Smoking, drug and substance abuse are also present but somewhat less compared to drowning one’s sorrow in alcohol. This leads to the inevitable spree of brawling, abuse, tendencies of vandalism and disrupting the peace of the neighbourhood.

·          Rash driving, especially if a man is drunk and not quite in a peaceful frame of mind, is not the best way to express one’s grief at night.

·          Many men go into the revenge formula, evading the ex and refusing to meet the children, and even worse, not paying the maintenance.

·          Poverty after divorce and housing problems are two major mass concerns in the UK now.

Minimising the Damage

The best and perhaps the only way to minimise these harmful effects is to let good sense prevail. If you are sad, crying it out will make you more of a man than drinking it down. Meeting your children is your duty, and you need to look for both house and job before finalising the separation papers. Pay up the maintenance -- it’s worth buying that good night’s sleep when you know you are providing for your child. It is this responsibility and humanity that makes a man a real man and not shirking or shifting blames on other shoulders conveniently. Be tolerant towards the children, they are more shaken than you, and look upon this as a second chance to start afresh.